giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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