By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
