I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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