I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
