someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
