Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
