dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
