Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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