cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
