You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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