YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need water and some morals
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
