I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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