Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
