Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize