i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
