You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
