Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
