Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
