it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
