if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
