Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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