all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
