final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
