WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
