But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
