Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
