just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
