I'm lost and stupid without you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
