butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
