how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
