so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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