he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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