I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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