We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
