i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Randomize
