You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
