Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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