Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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