Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
