you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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