Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
