IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
