my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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