I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
