Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
tell me about the eggs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
