He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
