If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
