OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
