I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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