After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
