he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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