chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
