he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
