I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
