you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
