The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
