bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
