My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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