AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
