News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
