just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
