The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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