im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
