She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
