I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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