I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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