My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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