If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
