i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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