there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Text me some of your sweat
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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