i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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