the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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