I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
