every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
