6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
